Caught in a Jar...or Limbo

"Now there comes a time in every man's life, where decisions have to be made whether to toil, to labor, or just plain piss your days away, away, away!" - Dropkick Murphy's


Well a decision has been made...I am moving to New York.  There just aren't architecture jobs here.
So enough of this limbo crap.
My last day of work is Wednesday July 6th, hallelujah!  And I plan to be in NY around the 15th.


One minor blip...I don't really have a job yet.  But I have done everything that I can without physically living in New York.  So I have to "step into the darkness" a little bit before I can move on.


I was in NY a couple weekends ago and I met with a few people.  I really started to get excited at the possibility of working there.  One woman I met with was really positive and encouraging about practicing architecture in New York.  Oh get this... at the end of the meeting while we were standing by the elevators I asked her if it would be inappropriate if I gave her a hug.......SERIOUSLY I DID.  She looked at me for a second attempting to comprehend what in the world I just asked her, but then she put out both arms out and gave me a hug.  As soon as I stepped into the elevator and the doors shut I did a palm plant right on my forehead.  Why oh why do I have to be such a geek?!  I was just so excited and happy after talking with her it just kind of came out.  Well, at least she won't forget me very easily.


I have kind of been beginning to realize that New York is very manageable in small pieces and areas. It begins to be overwhelming when you try to comprehend it in its entirety.  There's just too much going on to digest.
So the idea of moving and living in New York City maybe overwhelming and scary at first but once you break it down, i.e. where you are going to work, where you are going to live, where you are going to go to church, the visualization becomes easier...and my panic attacks decrease in frequency. :)


I met up with two of my professors for lunch while I was out there.  First of all they were hilarious and great.  They both always make me feel so good about myself and help reassure my confidence in my abilities.  Well one of them said that I should consider going into creative writing because I write the same way I talk which "is hilarious."  I think this was after I said something about wanting to kill the undergraduate students that I TA'ed for a couple semesters ago.  So I said if the architecture thing doesn't work out I'll consider creative writing.

Moving on: As I am itching up on my 29th year on this earth I am becoming increasingly aware of my mortality and shelf life of my ovaries.  It's annoying.


Moving on: When I was in New York I stayed with Anika & Co.  I cannot express how much I love those kids.  Each one of them is so unique and bright.  
Milo is so beautiful and smart!  She is very structured and likes routine, every single night without fail she is in her bed by 8:50 pm sharp.  She reads like a monster and is reading a grade level or two ahead!  Oh yeah she likes having me do her hair in braids.
Oh they all love to take showers!  One night I blow-dried all of their hair, one after another, Otto wanted me to do his hair like Justin Bieber...oh man he kills me.
Otto is my special buddy.  For one he is the middle child, like myself, and two he has short toes and feet just like mine!  He loves to compare our feet, especially when we're skyping, he thinks it's hilarious.  Otto is so creative and contemplative.  He struggles with traditional subjects like reading but he is absolutely brilliant in his logic and his drawings are fantastically detailed!  (He drew kneecaps on a figure that he drew in my notebook.)
Now Clio the 4 year old told me that she wants to go to a chicken farm and get a chicken and cut off its head and then eat it...because chicken is delicious.  I don't know where she came from.  She sings phrases and questions like "Cassie, would you hand me my driiiiiiink?" Her outfits that she picks out are also pretty fantastic.  The first day I got there she was wearing a black turtleneck that had the sleeves cut short and a denim skirt on top of a pair of green and white striped pajamas.  On Sunday she wore her shirt backwards because she wanted the ruffles in the back.  (She actually reminds me of myself as a kid.)  One night when I was reading her a couple of her "Fancy Nancy" books that Dina gave her she said to me "Cassandra, I'm so happy you're here.  I love you."  Then she gave me a hug.  It was pretty much the sweetest most pure innocent thing in the whole entire world.  My heart was complete and total mush.
I am so excited to live near them!  I also kind of feel bad that they don't have any cousins to grow up with...oh man that's a whole other story for another day.
Well quickly, I got the guts up and I called a guy that I have had a bit of a crush on for a while and ask him if he wanted to go to a movie.  I have two tickets from work and it is just an excuse to get to know him better, duh.  Well he didn't answer and I wasn't quite sure whether or not to leave a message, then I did and it was terrible.  Anyways it didn't happen....crushes suck.  However I am proud of myself for putting the ball in his court.  
I feel as though I need to do everything that is within my power to progress or move forward in my life.  99% of the time I don't know how things are going to work or logistics but I have faith that things will be okay and work out.  98% of the time, they do.


I'm falling asleep.


To summarize:  I am moving to New York.  I am a major dork.  I am getting old.  My nieces and nephew are the cutest things in the world.  Crushes are annoying.


Night night.