Whateve's

I have wanted a dog of my own since I started grad school, many moons ago.  I have often come up with excuses why I shouldn't get one as of yet, some of them are legitimate such as not having a job.  But others less so like the fear of them getting old and dying or thinking that I would always get one with my husband.

Recently in my concerted efforts to take better care of myself emotionally I've decided it's okay for me to finally get a dog.  Yes, I know it's going to be a lot of work for a single person but I know it will be worth it to see their little tail wagging when I come home and to get all of those doggy kisses and snuggles.

So now it's a matter of timing and finding the right dog...ha...that's very applicable to many different situations in my life right now.  But I am very excited and very happy that I have overcome that emotional hurdle of giving myself permission.

So next week I'm going to check out a dog that I've been eyeing on the Stray Rescue of St. Louis website from a shelter that just so happens to be near my work.


In other news I am just now realizing how busy I am actually going to be over the next few months and it's not going to be fun.  I work full-time in a firm and teach 2 afternoons a week but that means I have to work late every night.  Then I have two callings at church.  One is the YW President which doesn't entail a lot since there are only two girls who have never come to church, so it's more of an outreach calling and being involved in Ward Council.  The other calling is co-chair of our Stake Single Adult Program.  Let me tell you...FML.

I have always prayed to know how I can help others but re-vamping this Single Adult Program is going to be quite the challenge.  Just to give you a little snap shot of what I am going into: there are over 820 Single Adults in my stake alone.  I have recently become acquainted with the leaders in the three surrounding stakes and learned their process, for better or worse, and have come to understand that they get maybe 20 people out to the activities and maybe 30 to the "dances."  So let's do a little math here...say there are on average 700 single adults per stake (ours has 820).  700 x 4 = 2800 people.  If 20 people show up per activity that's only 0.714% of your targeted group.  If your budget is something like $1,500 per stake, $1,500 x 4 = $6,000 total which doesn't sound crazy if you have even a quarter of the people show up to activities.  But the same group of 20-30 people show up every month (yes, they do a minimum of one quad-stake activity a month!) which is less than 1% of the people you are supposed to be serving; that means you're spending on average $240 a year per person.
Spending an exorbitant amount of church funds on entertaining a small group of people is no okay in my book.

It's now the next night...
I went to a meeting earlier tonight with the leadership of the SA Program and it just becomes more and more apparent that this one of the reasons I needed to be back in St. Louis.  As much as I would like to not be single I am making the most of the situation and am very happy that I am in a position where I can help rebuild this program and hopefully make a little impact in some people's lives...as painful, time consuming, challenging, and frustrating this is going to be.

It's the next night again....I keep on falling asleep while I'm trying to finish this post.
Anyhoo earlier I had a little mini-WashU reunion at SubZero Vodka Bar.  The food was mediocre but the company was great.  I then met up with some other friends and watched Avengers at the Science Center.  I forgot how awesome movies are when they are big!  I think I have a hard time suspending belief enough to enjoy movies especially if there are a lot of holes in the plot or technically things are not congruent.  Soooo...I am going to work on that because there are a lot of movies that I have enjoyed for purely entertainment purposes because I had no expectations of splendor.  I think I also get annoyed with seeing the same actors and actresses whose characters I can't buy because I cannot get over their public persona.

I'm falling asleep again so I'm just going to post this as is.  Whateve's.

Photo Dump

This is not an exhaustive list of my activities over the last six months but it is a fair representation of what I've been up to.  So enjoy the photo dump.

Fall was very nice here, and this was my favorite tree because the gradation of color was magnificent.    This was in Holly Hills on my route to and from the gym.

I went to the CWE Halloween Dog Parade with my friend Tom, he is the only one who shares my affinity towards dogs. 

This was a little pinup for my Digital Fabrications students with SungHo.  I was able to teach 211 and DF at WashU!  I have always known I wanted teaching to be a part of my life but I thoroughly enjoyed it a lot more than I had even imagined.

There were riots/protestors outside my bedroom window in the Shaw neighborhood after the 2nd shooting in the "Ferguson" cluster-f@#$.  Kind of scary.  But it's all relative...I did live in sketchville Brooklyn for 2 years where I, as James so lovingly put it "raised the diversity of the neighborhood quite significantly."

  I was called as my ward's YW President which is hilarious to me because 1. I never attended YW and 2. I find this kind of stuff very painful!
This was another ward's YW progress or enrichment night...whatever...but they performed a skit...FML.  The girl in the green is Keke and used to be in my ward, she is an absolute riot and sweetheart.  Her grandmother who I call Grandma Houston, joined the church after attending a Gladys Knight concert.  They are good people.

I went to NY to finally pick up my stuff out of storage with my mom.  While I was there Anika made Thanksgiving dinner!  It was amazing.  That's Milo being a little turkey in the background.

Yup, just hanging out with my BFF.  I seriously miss her so much.

I met up with some Brooklyn friends at Schnippers on 42nd.  This is the beautiful Andrea and newly married Jess.  Not pictured: Ren, Linda, Ashley, Laura, and LeAnna.

I solicited the missionaries and my Aunt Cathy to help my mom and I load the truck.

The transmission failing in the truck was only one of many obstacles my mother and I encountered on our journey.  We ended up arriving a whole 24 hours later than initially planned.

This was during the final review for my 211 students.  I was very happy with their work and I got some fantastic feedback from them in their anonymous teacher evaluations.  I also had the opportunity to write a few letters of recommendation, which I take those seriously and give honest and positive feedback.

I got a job at Studio Durham in Soulard.   High end residential with a strong focus on design and quality.  They are also very flexible with schedules so I can teach part time!

This is Tallulah my coworker.  When I get a dog I am going to be able to bring him or her into work with me a couple days a week, which has always been a dream of mine!

I got a new computer at work.  For an entire week and a half they had me working on this ancient laptop.

I took over some Christmas sugar cookies to the Lehew's and decorated them with Lucy, Audrey and Jessica.  I don't think I have ever seen such extravagant use of gel and sprinkles!

Miracle of miracles, I was able to go home for Christmas.  Puzzles and Cards Against Humanity were played and a lot of fun was had by all.

Our adopted grandpa Bill came over for Christmas dinner.  He became friends with my grandmother before she died and he has just become a part of our family.  This is a totally scary picture of all of us but it was the only one I had.

I saw one of my oldest and best friends from college Renee.  It doesn't matter how much time goes between us seeing each other we are still such good friends and we pick up like we never parted.  We share the same dark and often times twisted sense of humor.  She is brutally honest, spunky, intelligent, and a great mother to her three beautiful kids.  I am so blessed to have her as a friend and constant support in my life.

The three munchkins: Renee, Cynthia, and Nikki.  I was invited to attend a baby shower for the lovely Nikki who unexpectedly got pregnant two weeks after getting married!  I think they have very fertile genes in their family because both her and Renee have gotten pregnant with an IUD!  Over-share?

I had lunch with one of my former CDT classmate KereAna and her wonderful mother Robin!  KereAna lives in New Zealand with her longtime boyfriend and dog.  Robin, who is a native Kiwi, still runs a montessori school in SLC and still thinks I'm tall.  Love them.

I did a fair share of puppy snuggling.  Bowser and his 75 lbs of love with Boston and his 20 lbs of idiocy.

New Years Eve in St. Louis, First Night on Grand.  This was a jazz band playing Green Day and Michael Jackson covers in the baptist church.  For a hot minute I really liked jazz music and would listen to MM&W so this was a lot of fun for me.

Fireworks on New Years Eve.  It was so freaking cold.  It was "colder than a well-diggers butt" like my father often says. (I always thought he was saying "whale-diggers butt" so that never made sense to me...until like last year when I finally clarified the statement with him.)

I finally started giving away the baby hats I made while living in NY.  When I see a kid that matches a hat, it becomes theirs.  This is sweet Elsie Earley, her mom and my friend Suzie lets me hold her during church sometimes.  Love it!

I paid back my friend Bryan in dollar bills.  750 dollar bills.  He made it rain.

I made a chocolate, on chocolate, with chocolate cake for Brittany's birthday.  It turned out well.
(It was no bacon cake, James, but it was up there.)

Suzie Earley threw her husband Brian a small dessert potluck for his 27th birthday.

My friend Chantal and I met up with other old friends from our YSA days to celebrate Ryan's birthday at a smokey bowling alley in St. Charles.  He always has endearingly called me "Trouble".

Started the new year and new semester teaching 112!  The project this semester is a flying machine (taking the idea of design manipulation and iterations but grounding it in function).  Last week we took out their precedent objects and tested them out.  We had a few kites get stuck in the trees...hilarious!
I will be giving a lecture/powerpoint to the entire studio in a couple weeks about the fundamentals of flight and the physics behind it.  I am also going to research and talk about how things can be manipulated to achieve different results.  I should probably get started on this.

I made dinner for the missionaries and a few friends.  I love doing this because I get to experiment culinarily and they are always so grateful for whatever you put in front of them even if it turns out terribly!  Also, I didn't serve a mission so I feel like this is kind of my little way of supporting the efforts.  I'm going to try to do this once a month.

This formatting/user interface is pissing me off.  I'm going to go take a break.  I might come back and fix it...it depends upon how many times I throw the computer against the wall.

Life Is Good

I feel as though my life is finally starting to come together.
Today as I was driving to the grocery store from school I had the overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the many blessings which I have been receiving lately.
Life is good.

Retract

Okay, so I took off the man-bashing/martyr blog I posted a few days ago.

I often times forget that I can be a very intense person and at times overbearing.  I cannot blame anyone, let alone an entire gender, for my current marital status.  So as cathartic as it was it did not accurately reflect my true feelings or views on the matter, hence it got the boot.


Today I had my first faculty meeting with the other 112 studio instructors.  It's going to be a fun semester because the project is, get this...a flying machine!  Totally stoked.  It looks like I'll be brushing up on my physics and Bernulli's Principle this weekend.
And in other news I officially declined the offer at the other architecture firm.  I am grateful to have had the choice.  Now I am looking forward to a relatively relaxing work environment where I can take my future dog and where my schedule is flexible enough that I can teach.  That reminds me I need to start looking at adoption/rescue websites.  Sometimes I think I should get a pitbull mix just to spite my parents because they're breedists when it comes to pitbulls.  (Yes I make up words often, not always intentionally.)  I loved the TLC show Pitbulls and Parolees.  But ultimately it just depends on the dog and their personality, but I grew up with boxers so I love the short-haired large stalky breeds.  TBD.

I have not gone to bed before 1:00 am this entire week...it's looking up to be a redbull kind of day tomorrow.

You Can Call Me Professor Cook Again

As you may have previously read that lately my life has not exactly been going in a clear direction and that has been extremely frustrating.  But I swear as one door closes or more like as multiple doors are closed, dead bolted, and barricaded with a thousand sharpened broom handles and a dozen angry blood thirsty zombie midgets guarding them, I begin to question why I'm even in the freaking room to begin with.  Then I am suddenly shown that there is an open door hiding behind a grand piano in the corner.

Liken this to my life, many things have occurred lately that have been making me question why I am supposed to be back in St. Louis right now.  One of the biggest let downs was that I was not signed up to teach next semester.  I felt that I did a great job teaching and that my students work was a lot more sophisticated and advanced than other sections.  I loved to teach and I got some truly amazing feedback from my students, it was all anonymous because I wanted them to be as honest and critical as they wanted to be.  One said that "I was the best that the program had to offer" and another said that I was their best professor so far and that they were sad I wasn't going to be teaching them next semester.  But what made me really happy is that all of them said that they had a good experience in studio, that I was able to inspire them, and that they felt they were prepared to move to the next semester.  The worst comments I got were that they wished that I would have given her more smiles because when I didn't smile it made her nervous and another said that she wished I would have emailed them earlier in the weekend.
So to say that I was disappointed not to be teaching next semester would be an understatement.

Well, I found out last night when I accidentally opened up the email account I have been avoiding checking all week that I am signed up to teach 112!!!  Another core design studio for undergrads!  I believe that the guy in charge of the program forgot to email me or emailed my non working wustl account.  Typical SH.

I happy cried on my way home from dinner with friends.  I probably should have pulled over.
So I am subtly reminded that the Lord has my back, knows what's best for me, and that I just need to keep swimming.

Pooped

My life is up in the air...as usual.

I've realized over the last month that I have over extended myself emotionally and mentally which has been very exhausting.  I think the lesson I was supposed to learn is that I cannot do everything.  I have also been putting too much of myself into one sided relationships which is emotionally draining and has contributed to my burnout.  My father always told me that every relationship, romantic or platonic, has an emotional piggy bank.  For there to be a healthy balance each person needs to contribute 50%, but of course there are going to be times when one person gives more when the other can't.  So there are a few things that I need to work on to protect myself.

Last month I started a position in a firm at a lower than I would have hoped hourly wage for a 90 day trial period.  After that full benefits and a salary negotiation.  Positive aspects are that the office is low key, the hours are flexible, there is an office dog!, and I will be able to bring my future dog with me to work (which is my dream!).  Negatives are that it's not going to pay me anywhere close to what I am worth and the people are not exactly the most warm people in the world.  But I don't have to have a lot of money just as long as I am able to pay my bills and have the flexibility in schedule so that I am able to adapt to my future circumstances whatever they might be.

I was offered a position in another firm a couple days ago but it was for $15,500 less than I was making in NY.  Yes, I understand that this is not the same market.  But really?  $15.5k less and offering me the title of "Intern Architect" is borderline insulting.  As much as I like the principal of the firm and the other people that work there, I will not be taking that position.

I'm tired.  It's nearly 2:30 am, New Years Day.
Night.

2014ish Overview

So the other night I was reading some of my old posts and reminiscing of the days of yesteryear and I noticed a common thread; I often times say I'm going to do something and then I don't actually follow through.  For example I have the intention of "I'll post pictures later" or "that's a story for another time" and then my next blog post is 6 months later about something else entirely.  It's not that I don't want to write more, it's almost as though I have filled my blogging bar (a la Sims) and since I am no longer in need I naturally move towards things I deem more important, like watching an episode of the Office, looking up recipes online, or even painting my nails.

I think I'll stop making stupid promises on this blog that way I won't disappoint myself in the future.



Since I have been absent from the blogging world for a long time I will give a brief update:

- I quit my job in NY.  I had some really great experiences and some really really crappy ones.  I never experienced gender discrimination until I worked at GF.  I had never seen such disgusting disregard for ethics and morality and I didn't want to conduct my life in such a way that was required for me to stay ahead in the game there.  I also had a fairly traumatic departure my last day that really messed me up for awhile.  It took me a good 5-6 months to be able to think about the incident without breaking down.  But I am so grateful for my family and the unconditional support they give me that have allowed me to heal and to ultimately forgive.

- I spent a good amount of time in SLC with my parents, Dina, Bowser, and Boston.  It was quite a bit longer than I initially planned for, but I am grateful for the time nonetheless.  My dad's health has been up and down so I felt it was important for me to be there while I had an opportunity.  I did a lot of yard work to stay busy.  Cleaned.  Cooked.  Babysat the dogs for most of the time.  Oh I nursed Bowser's ulcered eye back to health by giving him 3 different eye drops 8x a day for 3 weeks.  Seriously.  

- While I was in SLC I designed and built a fence for Dina's first house.  It is a legit fence.  A 200 linear foot cedar tongue and groove 6' privacy fence.  I didn't quite anticipate the amount of work that it would take to remove the old fence and posts and build an entirely new much larger one.  I literally worked for 3 1/2 weeks every single day doing hardcore physical labor.  I had a few breakdowns.  My dad fell and broke his ribs and then was in the hospital for 3 days.  Erika only chipped one tooth while she was jack-hammering the concrete car pad.  The budget was blown by 1/3.  Dina only made me cry 3 times.  I did learn how to drive and maneuver a 16' flatbed trailer, we got some great looks and laughs from people seeing three women driving around town.  But overall I was and am very happy that I was in a position to help her create a safe haven for her and her boys.  Bowser loves his yard and is still the most wonderful dog in the world.  Boston is just an idiot that I'm not convinced has enough brain cells to process anything besides being hungry.

- I eventually flew back to NY and got my car from my Aunt's place in East Hampton/The Springs and spent a little bit of time with her and my Uncle Harvey, who came into town just for fun now that he's retired and has nothing to do.  I also spent a few days with HAMOC.  It was really hard for me to say goodbye to them.  I made my way south and stayed with Briana and Chris for a couple weeks.  I helped them work on Chris' house by painting and later by sorting and pricing stuff for their upcoming yard sale.  They are two of the funniest/dorkiest peas in a pod.  I am grateful to them for their support in this seemingly crazy life transition.

- I moved back to St. Louis.  No matter how many other cities or places I went to research and even interview at my heart always turned me back to St. Louis.  I feel very strongly that I need to be here at this time, for reasons that are not quite crystal clear, but I kind of have an inkling as to why...

- My housing situation fell through when I first got here, but I was able to stay with my wonderful friends the Walker's for a while.  They are the epitome of kindness, love, and generosity.  I seriously am indebted to them forever.  I ended up getting an opportunity to move into an apartment that I was able to tailor to my liking.  I did a crap load of work (cleaning, repairing, painting, etc.) and it has turned out great, minus a few things.  I actually feel like I am nesting here, which is a feeling that I have never really had at another apartment.  So I am totally stoked to be retrieving my furniture and clothes (!!!!) from NY later this week and continue to nest away!

- I was given the opportunity to teach two classes at WashU this fall, which has been just enough income to get me through the end of the year.  (I have been loving teaching!)  Because I was in SLC for so long I had missed out on the springtime hiring and have been struggling with finding a job in a firm.  But all of a sudden within the last month I have had 5 real interviews.  I am praying that one of the three firms I would like to work in actually offers me something in the week.  There is one firm in particular that I would love to work at because the environment is completely what I want and more...it was kind of one of those interviews that seems too good to be true.  So I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

- I was called to be the Young Women's President of my ward.  My immediate reaction after I was first asked was a high pitched "Are you serious?"  I then proceeded to laugh.  Yeah, I attended maybe 1 year of YW combined when I was a youth and I had no idea what in the world is even involved!  I hated all of the personal progress stuff and thought that the needle point/stitching on pillows and painting of ugly wood themed decorations during the holidays was sooooo lame.  After accepting the calling and later laughing until I was sick with Briana on the phone, she give me a lot of advice and tips because she was in a very similar boat about a year ago.  I think Heavenly Father is punishing us for not attending YW when we were young, that was a joke by the way.  But in our ward the calling is much more of a stewardship/outreach calling.  We have two girls and neither of them show up to church ever.  It will take time but I am determined to get to know them whether it kills them or not!

- Lately I have been doing a lot of outreach to another girl that used to be in our ward.  She is an absolute sweetheart and has been given a really crappy hand in life.  So I'm just being her friend and doing what I can to support her.  I have also been helping out another family in our ward.  They are good people who are just having a little bit of a rough time.  I have always striven to find ways to help others so with the extra time I have on my hands right now I am very happy to help wherever I can.

- The guy situation...well...I'll (try) to get back to you on that one.

- I've also made some great friends here as well as reconnected with some old ones.  It's kind of strange being in this "mid-singles" group, I just never thought I would 32 and not be married.  Oh well, like my dad says "There are worse things in life, like being kicked in the face with a golf shoe." 


That's pretty much it for now.