Old Update

I wrote this a couple months ago and never really finished it then didn't posted it...here you go anyways...


So working part-time is pretty much the best thing in the world, minus the drastic reduction in pay.  I have always hated going somewhere and sitting at a desk for 8+ hours 5 days a week.  I need a variety of activities to keep me from going insane.  That's one of the reasons I love architecture so much is that there is such a variety of work...and construction sites are just awesome.
I have decided to try to go out on my own as a sole practitioner and teach part time.  To me that would be ideal.

I am 2 tests down, taking SP&D on Friday.  Then I have to decide whether to continue with the ARE 4.0 and take 4 more exams or "transition" to ARE 5.0 and only take 2 more exams.  The issues are that it would be a gamble to take the new exams because the only study material available would be from NCARB which is very limited.  And there would be no community support for the exams because nobody has taken them, therefore no advice.  I could always wait for a month or so for some feedback from test takers.  Eh...I'll figure that out after the roll-out on June 29th.

Houston guy is a no go.  Eh whatever.  My father always told me to never put all of my eggs into one basket, so I'm fine.  I'm thinking that divorced guys may be the next avenue to explore.  FML.  I hate dating.

OH MY GOODNESS!  I have a new nephew!!!!!  His name is Colton Reece Brecht and he is pretty much perfect.  Dina and I went and visited Briana, Chris, and Colton a few weeks after she had him.  Ohhhh man that little bean is so freaking sweet and easy going, I already love him so much!  On a side note: child bearing, birth, and breast feeding is strange and pretty much disgusting.

Today is my mom's 66th birthday!  I am continually grateful for her and for what a good example of hard work and perseverance she displays every single day of her life.  She is tough as nails but is one of the most kind, loving, and generous people in the world.  I am so blessed that she is my mom.  I just hope that when the time comes that I will be able to help her in whatever way she will need.

HAMOC&B are leaving NYC and moving back to Maine in two days.  I think it will be great for them to be in a big house (which is beautiful!) where they have room to breathe and stretch out.  And they'll be close to Erika.

"I never met anybody that I couldn't learn from." - Henry B. Eyring
I've always loved this quote.  It reminds me that every person I encounter or work with has something to offer me.  It could be their conduct, knowledge or experience that I learn from.

Oh yeah, I finally started seeing a therapist again!  Hallelujah!  It's interesting because I have never been to an LDS therapist of counselor before.  I've only been to this guy twice but already it is so awesome because he understands my motives and background so easily.
I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager.  It sucks, but it's just something that I have learned that I have to deal with.  In some ways I am grateful for the struggles that I have had with it because it has made me a much more empathetic and sympathetic person.  Struggling with depression is something that I don't particularly advertise, but I don't hide it either if somebody asks or it arises in a conversation.  I'm not afraid of the stigma because a long time ago I had to learn that the taboo surrounding counseling or therapy stems from other people's fears that they will be judged and thought of as weak or "crazy" by their peers.
Counseling and therapy is about learning tools to keep yourself and your life in perspective.  It also helps you learn and recognize behaviors in yourself and in others and understand where they come from, which in turns makes you more compassionate and understanding.
I honestly feel that everyone, no matter how "happy" they feel they are, could benefit from seeing a counselor or therapist at some time in their life.  The world would be a much better place.

YOLO...Hahaha...WTF?!

My resolution to live with no regrets has served me well.  I have recently been able to address somethings in my life that have kept me stagnant.  Now a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders and it is quite remarkable!


Moving on...

-I just got back from visiting my sister Briana her husband Chris and their new baby boy Colton.  Dina and I met in DC and drove down to Fredericksburg for the weekend to help out.  It was so wonderful to see how loving, amazing, and strong she is and how naturally she has embraced this new role in her life.
Oh and baby Colton is such a beautiful baby, he's the closest thing to perfection in this world.  He was so easy going and sweet.  I loved watching him startle himself, often while he was in a deep sleep he would all of a sudden flail his arms like he was startled.  So freaking cute.

Dina of course was hilarious as usual.  It's kind of funny how frustrated and annoyed we can get with each other but after about 2 minutes we're over it and laughing again.  I am so thankful that that's how my sisters and I roll.  :)


-I missed Loki.  He's such a good boy, minus the paper he tore apart.

-My next exam is on the 24th.  PP&P.  Wish me luck!

-Over Memorial Day weekend James, Adriane and I are going on  a roadtrip to Austin!

Okay I'm falling asleep.  Night night.

Ease Up there Cassie

Dude, that last blog was a total Debbie Downer.  I need to abstain from blogging when I'm feeling so introspective or self-deprecating.  Geeze.

Well to liven things up a bit here are five things that I am grateful for today:

1. Loki and his floppy ears
2. Heated seats
3. Text messaging that lets me stay in contact with my sisters - Sister Selfie Tuesday
4. Little babies, because they are magical.
5. Photoshop

Speaking of Loki and how wonderful he is, yesterday was our 6 month anniversary!  Actually, the only way I knew it was because Stray Rescue sent me an email.  Ha.  But he really is such a good boy, I am so lucky to have found him.

This is actually a professional headshot of Loki!
The photographer that was shooting our office had me bring him down.  Hahahahaha...

The Great Fortress

The other night a friend jokingly pointed out that I hate Valentine's Day and all things "romance."

Well it's kind of funny because I have been thinking about this over the last few weeks.  I've come to realize that it's not as though I hate or even dislike Valentine's Day it's that the romance that is associated with said day is kind of foreign to me.  I have been the recipient of very few romantic gestures.  I'm not saying this in a self pitying kind of way, but more as an observation.  

As time has gone on and my self-esteem has been put through the wringers I have been able to amass a great fortress around my pink little heart as a self preservation technique.  This is manifested through eye-rolling at the newly married couple that can't keep their hands off of each other or through the subtle nausea that creeps in whenever I hear my sister and brother-in-law call each other "Babe."

I am not afraid of falling in love with the "right person at the right time," what I am afraid of is that if he ever actually comes around it is going to be difficult for me to open up.  But I guess that's the name of the game as you get older, you are just one of the many emotionally stunted singles.  I try to remain positive but it's kind of hard because days, weeks, and now years are just passing.

So as much as I pretend I'm not affected by romance and crap like that, deep down I am just the same as any other girl and just wants to be just grabbed and kissed.  However, I am totally fine with never being serenaded by guy in a prince suit with a guitar.

My idea of Valentine's Day cards...do you get them?

Look who figured out she could sew a little!

I was referring to myself.
It was actually not very hard, considering that with my training and profession I tend to be fairly decent with spatial puzzles and patterns.  For whatever reason I still cannot sew a straight line but I did figure out how to make Loki's costume work.

Here are the results:

I took Loki in his costume to my ward's Halloween Trunk or Treat, not really thinking about the logistics of the operation.  Well I got there and didn't quite realize that there were a bunch of activities indoors prior to the Trunk or Treating outdoors.  So I skittishly decided to take him into the gym with me.  Usually I don't care what people think about me or my decisions but I think a combination of the beginnings of getting sick and being uber aware of my marital status made me became so self conscious.  I felt so out of place and stupid sitting there like the token single woman who treats her animals like pseudo children, by dressing them up and taking them to family holiday events.  I didn't quite realize how pathetic it was until then, so I had a little pity party for myself.  But what actually made me feel better was later seeing Tom come into the party wearing his endearingly dorky Chewbacca robe with his full on hairy legs and face.  Even though we only talked for a couple minutes he made me feel a lot less stupid for getting into the spirit of Halloween and making my dog a nintendo character, which in hindsight is one of the dorkiest things I have done.

I didn't end up taking Loki to the CWE dog parade because I was feeling really crappy, instead I went home and slept...maybe next year.

Halloween is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Growing up, Halloween was a big deal for our family.  Over the years my mom collected costumes, wigs, makeup, costume jewelry, and all sorts of accessories that she would have my dad lug out from the basement or attic every year.  I still remember the smell of old and dank polyester mixed with hard plastic that would permeate the room where we unloaded and sorted through the treasure chest of awesomeness.  Often times (by our fathers persuasion) we would choose to be something scary or un-dead, I think I was a dead cheerleader at least twice before the age of 10.  If we wanted to be something that we didn't have a costume for my mother, being the amazing seamstress that she is, would just whip up a new one.  And no costume was ever complete without the full hair and makeup and the fake blood that my dad would always voluntarily apply.

When we moved to our new house we started decorating more elaborately and creating spooky and haunted environments for trick or treating.  One year we had a stuffed guy hanging from the roof with an orange glowing pumpkin head, half of a body sticking out of the pond, and a strobe light.  This was of course in addition to the regular scary music, black light, and insane amount of webs.  For quite a few years after we were too old to trick or treat, Briana or I would dress up in a sheet and mask and sit on top of the stone fence and scare the crap out of people.  Those were good times.

Most people/women have boxes of Christmas decorations, well as an adult I have a box of Halloween decorations and no Christmas decorations.

So Halloween is pretty much my favorite holiday and needless to say I am making Loki a costume...because I am super dorky like that...and my friend Jessica is letting me borrow her sewing machine while she is away.  Even though I don't sew and have only used a sewing machine a half dozen times in my life I figure it can't be THAT hard to figure out how to sew some felt together.  (Famous last words, I know.)

I began to brainstorm.  I know I wanted to make something unique because why go to all the effort if it is just going to be lame?
I began sketching.
Maybe I should turn him into a little stegosaurus?

Not quite feeling it.
Maybe a mummy?

Nah...lame.
I got it!  YOSHI!!!!!!!!

He is going to be the cutest Yoshi at the CWE doggy Halloween parade this year!

Gratitude for Loki

So yeah...I got laid off a few weeks ago.  Yes it sucks.  It could be worse; I could have been kicked in the face with a golf shoe.  (I love saying that.)  But unfortunately that is the risk you always take when working for a small firm.  When the work doesn't come in you have a very limited float time before you have to layoff employees.  And that's what happened.  (Oh and my old coworkers are total douche bags with no social/human skills, which is a story for another post.)


As silly as it may sound I really feel having Loki has helped me not freak out and go into a depressive funk which I am prone to do in situations like this.

1. He has helped me stay on a normal sleeping schedule.
2. He gets me out of the house to take him on walks or to the dog park.
3. I'm a natural caretaker so being able to take care of somebody has been nice.
4. Having a little canine companion helps me feel not so lonely.
5. I feel safer with him here.  He's my little bodyguard.
6. And man, having him be so excited when I come home makes his special $60/bag food so worth it.


I am just sitting here listening to him snore on his bed (which I bring into my room every night) and it makes me smile.  Sometimes his mouth will be positioned in such a way that when he exhales as he sleeps his jowls will flap...and that absolutely kills me!

He was helping me prep for class.

One thing that I love about dogs are their
sometimes different color toes.

This was a couple weeks after I got him...he was
very curious about what was in the tall black
thing he couldn't see through.

Having fun at the dog park.
Yes that man is a pirate.

He often lays in this sophisticated manner.

I found out that he really likes top ramen.
I was stepping on tiny noodles for days!
The next week he ate 18 granola bars...
Houdini even got them out of their wrappers! 

He really loves to just be outside.

Half of his food always ends up behind his bowl.

What I see every morning.

As far as what I am going to do next or what I am going to do with my life...hell, if I know.  I am taking my exams...FINALLY!  I am going to keep networking and trying to find a job.  I was thinking about seeing if I could teach full time, but the pay is not very good.  I don't know.  Lately it seems as though whenever I come up with a plan or idea Heavenly Father is like......."Nope, it's not going to go like that Cassandra."  And then I'm back to floundering and wondering what in the crap I'm doing here.  Maybe I should just sell my soul again and work at a corporate firm.  At least that way I'll have a little bit better job security, a somewhat decent paycheck...but then I most likely wouldn't be able to teach or take Loki to work with me or be able to sleep at night.  Ugh.  This sucks.

Wish me luck in trying to figure out this thing we refer to as life.