YOLO...Hahaha...WTF?!

My resolution to live with no regrets has served me well.  I have recently been able to address somethings in my life that have kept me stagnant.  Now a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders and it is quite remarkable!


Moving on...

-I just got back from visiting my sister Briana her husband Chris and their new baby boy Colton.  Dina and I met in DC and drove down to Fredericksburg for the weekend to help out.  It was so wonderful to see how loving, amazing, and strong she is and how naturally she has embraced this new role in her life.
Oh and baby Colton is such a beautiful baby, he's the closest thing to perfection in this world.  He was so easy going and sweet.  I loved watching him startle himself, often while he was in a deep sleep he would all of a sudden flail his arms like he was startled.  So freaking cute.

Dina of course was hilarious as usual.  It's kind of funny how frustrated and annoyed we can get with each other but after about 2 minutes we're over it and laughing again.  I am so thankful that that's how my sisters and I roll.  :)


-I missed Loki.  He's such a good boy, minus the paper he tore apart.

-My next exam is on the 24th.  PP&P.  Wish me luck!

-Over Memorial Day weekend James, Adriane and I are going on  a roadtrip to Austin!

Okay I'm falling asleep.  Night night.

Ease Up there Cassie

Dude, that last blog was a total Debbie Downer.  I need to abstain from blogging when I'm feeling so introspective or self-deprecating.  Geeze.

Well to liven things up a bit here are five things that I am grateful for today:

1. Loki and his floppy ears
2. Heated seats
3. Text messaging that lets me stay in contact with my sisters - Sister Selfie Tuesday
4. Little babies, because they are magical.
5. Photoshop

Speaking of Loki and how wonderful he is, yesterday was our 6 month anniversary!  Actually, the only way I knew it was because Stray Rescue sent me an email.  Ha.  But he really is such a good boy, I am so lucky to have found him.

This is actually a professional headshot of Loki!
The photographer that was shooting our office had me bring him down.  Hahahahaha...

The Great Fortress

The other night a friend jokingly pointed out that I hate Valentine's Day and all things "romance."

Well it's kind of funny because I have been thinking about this over the last few weeks.  I've come to realize that it's not as though I hate or even dislike Valentine's Day it's that the romance that is associated with said day is kind of foreign to me.  I have been the recipient of very few romantic gestures.  I'm not saying this in a self pitying kind of way, but more as an observation.  

As time has gone on and my self-esteem has been put through the wringers I have been able to amass a great fortress around my pink little heart as a self preservation technique.  This is manifested through eye-rolling at the newly married couple that can't keep their hands off of each other or through the subtle nausea that creeps in whenever I hear my sister and brother-in-law call each other "Babe."

I am not afraid of falling in love with the "right person at the right time," what I am afraid of is that if he ever actually comes around it is going to be difficult for me to open up.  But I guess that's the name of the game as you get older, you are just one of the many emotionally stunted singles.  I try to remain positive but it's kind of hard because days, weeks, and now years are just passing.

So as much as I pretend I'm not affected by romance and crap like that, deep down I am just the same as any other girl and just wants to be just grabbed and kissed.  However, I am totally fine with never being serenaded by guy in a prince suit with a guitar.

My idea of Valentine's Day cards...do you get them?

Look who figured out she could sew a little!

I was referring to myself.
It was actually not very hard, considering that with my training and profession I tend to be fairly decent with spatial puzzles and patterns.  For whatever reason I still cannot sew a straight line but I did figure out how to make Loki's costume work.

Here are the results:

I took Loki in his costume to my ward's Halloween Trunk or Treat, not really thinking about the logistics of the operation.  Well I got there and didn't quite realize that there were a bunch of activities indoors prior to the Trunk or Treating outdoors.  So I skittishly decided to take him into the gym with me.  Usually I don't care what people think about me or my decisions but I think a combination of the beginnings of getting sick and being uber aware of my marital status made me became so self conscious.  I felt so out of place and stupid sitting there like the token single woman who treats her animals like pseudo children, by dressing them up and taking them to family holiday events.  I didn't quite realize how pathetic it was until then, so I had a little pity party for myself.  But what actually made me feel better was later seeing Tom come into the party wearing his endearingly dorky Chewbacca robe with his full on hairy legs and face.  Even though we only talked for a couple minutes he made me feel a lot less stupid for getting into the spirit of Halloween and making my dog a nintendo character, which in hindsight is one of the dorkiest things I have done.

I didn't end up taking Loki to the CWE dog parade because I was feeling really crappy, instead I went home and slept...maybe next year.

Halloween is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Growing up, Halloween was a big deal for our family.  Over the years my mom collected costumes, wigs, makeup, costume jewelry, and all sorts of accessories that she would have my dad lug out from the basement or attic every year.  I still remember the smell of old and dank polyester mixed with hard plastic that would permeate the room where we unloaded and sorted through the treasure chest of awesomeness.  Often times (by our fathers persuasion) we would choose to be something scary or un-dead, I think I was a dead cheerleader at least twice before the age of 10.  If we wanted to be something that we didn't have a costume for my mother, being the amazing seamstress that she is, would just whip up a new one.  And no costume was ever complete without the full hair and makeup and the fake blood that my dad would always voluntarily apply.

When we moved to our new house we started decorating more elaborately and creating spooky and haunted environments for trick or treating.  One year we had a stuffed guy hanging from the roof with an orange glowing pumpkin head, half of a body sticking out of the pond, and a strobe light.  This was of course in addition to the regular scary music, black light, and insane amount of webs.  For quite a few years after we were too old to trick or treat, Briana or I would dress up in a sheet and mask and sit on top of the stone fence and scare the crap out of people.  Those were good times.

Most people/women have boxes of Christmas decorations, well as an adult I have a box of Halloween decorations and no Christmas decorations.

So Halloween is pretty much my favorite holiday and needless to say I am making Loki a costume...because I am super dorky like that...and my friend Jessica is letting me borrow her sewing machine while she is away.  Even though I don't sew and have only used a sewing machine a half dozen times in my life I figure it can't be THAT hard to figure out how to sew some felt together.  (Famous last words, I know.)

I began to brainstorm.  I know I wanted to make something unique because why go to all the effort if it is just going to be lame?
I began sketching.
Maybe I should turn him into a little stegosaurus?

Not quite feeling it.
Maybe a mummy?

Nah...lame.
I got it!  YOSHI!!!!!!!!

He is going to be the cutest Yoshi at the CWE doggy Halloween parade this year!

Gratitude for Loki

So yeah...I got laid off a few weeks ago.  Yes it sucks.  It could be worse; I could have been kicked in the face with a golf shoe.  (I love saying that.)  But unfortunately that is the risk you always take when working for a small firm.  When the work doesn't come in you have a very limited float time before you have to layoff employees.  And that's what happened.  (Oh and my old coworkers are total douche bags with no social/human skills, which is a story for another post.)


As silly as it may sound I really feel having Loki has helped me not freak out and go into a depressive funk which I am prone to do in situations like this.

1. He has helped me stay on a normal sleeping schedule.
2. He gets me out of the house to take him on walks or to the dog park.
3. I'm a natural caretaker so being able to take care of somebody has been nice.
4. Having a little canine companion helps me feel not so lonely.
5. I feel safer with him here.  He's my little bodyguard.
6. And man, having him be so excited when I come home makes his special $60/bag food so worth it.


I am just sitting here listening to him snore on his bed (which I bring into my room every night) and it makes me smile.  Sometimes his mouth will be positioned in such a way that when he exhales as he sleeps his jowls will flap...and that absolutely kills me!

He was helping me prep for class.

One thing that I love about dogs are their
sometimes different color toes.

This was a couple weeks after I got him...he was
very curious about what was in the tall black
thing he couldn't see through.

Having fun at the dog park.
Yes that man is a pirate.

He often lays in this sophisticated manner.

I found out that he really likes top ramen.
I was stepping on tiny noodles for days!
The next week he ate 18 granola bars...
Houdini even got them out of their wrappers! 

He really loves to just be outside.

Half of his food always ends up behind his bowl.

What I see every morning.

As far as what I am going to do next or what I am going to do with my life...hell, if I know.  I am taking my exams...FINALLY!  I am going to keep networking and trying to find a job.  I was thinking about seeing if I could teach full time, but the pay is not very good.  I don't know.  Lately it seems as though whenever I come up with a plan or idea Heavenly Father is like......."Nope, it's not going to go like that Cassandra."  And then I'm back to floundering and wondering what in the crap I'm doing here.  Maybe I should just sell my soul again and work at a corporate firm.  At least that way I'll have a little bit better job security, a somewhat decent paycheck...but then I most likely wouldn't be able to teach or take Loki to work with me or be able to sleep at night.  Ugh.  This sucks.

Wish me luck in trying to figure out this thing we refer to as life.

Thoughts and Things

- St. Louis drivers are horrible.  I don't think anybody knows how to properly merge, keep their foot on the gas while driving on the highway, or even how four way stops work.

- I went to a new dentist on Monday, Dr. Gregoire in Clayton.  I picked her because she had great reviews and didn't look like a pedophile like the other dentists that were on my insurance.  I absolutely loved her!  So funny, blunt and just overall awesome.  Oh dental update: my preventative care was great I only had a small amount of calculus, both Dr. Gregoire and the hygenist were impressed that I never had braces.  I have one cavity, which is better than I thought since I always expect the worst case scenario whenever I go.  She did tell me that I should cut back on soda and acidic foods because my enamel is thinner than she would like, which I already knew (damn grad school diet).  So I'm going back the first week of October.

- Loki is absolutely wonderful.  I am so thankful for him.  He seriously makes me happy which is something that I have really needed since I've been hopelessly trying to get over this guy for the last however many ridiculous amount of months.  Actually for a long time I think I was afraid that if I were to get a dog that it would just be a way for me to pacify my desire to be in a relationship or married.  Well, I'm over that now.  Of course I still want to be married and have a family but having Loki makes me look forward to coming home!  And seriously, seeing his sweet little face in the side mirror of my car and his jowls flapping in the wind makes me smile all the way to the core.
He is now 73 lbs. but he still needs to gain a few more pounds.  Last week I spoke with the vet about some concerns that I had and I think I'm going to take him up on his offer to excise some of Loki's overgrown gingival tissue because I think it is effecting his ability to chew.  While he's out I think his du-claws need to come off because he continually licks them and take x-rays of his hips to see if his odd walk is from his hips/arthritis or a leg injury.

So far Loki doesn't like: French fries, tortilla chips, one dog at the doggie park, and snuggling.
So far Loki likes: sugar cookies, bowls of frosting, bowls of chocolate, laying spread eagle on cold concrete floors, sticking his head out of the car window, the doggie park, and sorting through the recycling all over the kitchen floor.

- Work is still lame.  My boss burned his bridge with me a couple months back so I am still looking for a new job which in my field takes time.  I have to take my exams for real.  It will grant me a lot more freedom...if nothing else emotional freedom.

- The SA conference is finally over!  It was horrible.  But I swallowed my pride, grinned, and barred all of the awkwardness, bizarre tifs, and gross food.  I tried to make the day that we were in charge of the best that it could be and thankfully we pulled it off with a lot of help from the wonderful people in the Lindell ward!  Seriously I couldn't have done it without all of the people that stepped up to help me out as a personal favor.

- Building Systems starts Friday.  I am so excited because I love teaching and I love WashU.  The first lab groups are all grad students then the second lab groups are undergrads (some of them are my old students from studio last year, so it's going to be fun!)  I'm also excited because this is a technical course and I love to exercise that part of my brain.  Teaching makes me happy.

- I have had the windows in my apartment open for the last week because the weather has been incredible!  I hate summer and the heat so I have been absolutely loving this.  My zinnias are still blooming and are beautiful but the snap dragons haven't bloomed yet.  I'm kind of thinking that they're not going to before the weather turns.

- I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting a couple weeks ago for the first time in years.  My good friend Lydia stood up and said some very nice things that touched me.  I really am so grateful for all of the friendships that I have been making with people in my ward.  Even though I'm a creepy single spinster that trades gum for hugs at church people have been very open, loving, and welcoming towards me.  It's made dealing with other things in my life easier.

- I finally got released as the Young Women's President!  Hallelujah!  I really didn't enjoy that calling, but I did it because I was asked to.  Well there were a few things that were good.  So for the time being I only have one church calling which is the Stake Single Adult Co-Chair, but I anticipate taking over the mid-singles FHE group again.

- Oh yeah, my lovely P&P ladies made me watch Anne of Green Gables.  Anne is obnoxious but only slightly endearingly so.  Who knows what else they're going to make me watch next...something that will make me roll my eyes every five minutes, I'm sure.  But I won't care too much because I get to spend time with these friends and eat a lot of delicious food!

- IKEA opens in a couple of weeks!  Wahoo!  I want to get some table legs for a long slab of wood I got from my boss a while back.  I want to make a tall desk/worktable in my guest/second/Dina's/my Dad's room.

- I need to go visit HAMOC&B.  I miss them so much.  I talked to my BFF Clio for 30 minutes the other night and I promised that I would snapchat with her more often.  She seriously kills me.

- I need to call my wonderful friend Renee and see how she's doing...I wonder if she's on kid #4 yet...

- AWOLNATION is pretty good.  I love the song Hollow Moon.


I think this is good enough for an update.